AddictionHalfWay on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/addictionhalfway/art/Who-Are-You-196323173AddictionHalfWay

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Who Are You?

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the odd creature said to the happy wolf shadow.

Vent picture. Kind of. Desperately needed. I've been pretty down for the past couple weeks and it's really only been increasing.

You see I'm very nicely stuck in a position I would rather not be in. rrrr I really hate to rant about it but I suppose I'm going to...!

It's kind of a very long and very...involved story of why I get so down but to put it simply.. I don't like what I draw, especially witch eyes. That's not to say I'm insecure or hateful of it. But I honestly can't say what I draw is something I LIKE (nevermind love).
I can't even say I have very much attachment to the characters. The development of Rollo & Wakanda is laughable next to characters from my other stories/universes, nevermind witch eyes' story in general, which, to me, is unchallenging and effortless next to the delicious other stories I am constantly working on. Actually, everytime someone tells me like how original and well-developed my story is I kind of laugh a little because I can't imagine where that comparison is coming from. Nevermind the fact that most things in witch eyes are basically analogies of characters and concepts in my other stories (including Rollo).
I've kept my interest in Witch Eyes by adding Ohanzee (and in the future, Tsavo), the lion witch is really the only thing that interests me about witch eyes, and it's really only slightly. Why? Because witch eyes only place for Ohanzee is demonizing him. It really spits on his character and there's no way around it because the general (simple and more kid-friendly) nature of the witch eyes universe can't develop numerous aspects of Ohanzee's personality :shrug:

Anyways, what I really mean is. Witch Eyes isn't something I like but it takes up about 90% of what I draw. It's all I draw and I've been drawing it for so long that I don't even really know who I am as an artist anymore. I don't KNOW what I like. I know what I used to like but I not if I still like them.
The things I know I have an interest in (like humans) are currently out of reach too because I sunk so much into witch eyes that I've become unfamiliar and insecure about drawing those things. I do practice humans and other things but then I have to draw a bunch of witch eyes stuff and my ability to draw humans escapes me while I have my back turned u__u;;

So that gets me bummed out. It makes me not care about the details of a lot of things concerning my comic pages, it makes me sad and frustrated because I can't seem to make myself like it or at least be good at it.
But what really stabs my heart is that I'm pretty much stuck where I am right now and really need to suck it up. But I have to actually avoid looking in the galleries of many animal artists because it makes me realize shit.
It makes me realize that I'm suffering and yet I'm not really what the animal community generally likes. It reminds me that I'm a fish out of water right now. It makes me completely envious of other animal artists that actually ENJOY what they're drawing and know what they love.

But I'm stuck. I can't let myself go back to scratch and let all these months and comic pages be wasted. I'll finish witch eyes but I will regret the day I made such a foolish decision.
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Animus-Panthera's avatar
I don't know about that part about demonizing Ohanzee. Personally I think he'd make a marvelous anti-hero. You know, someone who is not necessarily trying to do good things, but whatever they're up to, however selfish their motivations, and whatever nefarious methods they use to achieve it, their goals end up being better ones than the "good" guys' goals. I sort of thought that's where you were going with it, actually- I kind of got the impression that Odin wasn't necessarily the best of guys, despite theoretically being the good guy in the story. In fact, given a choice between siding with Ohanzee or Odin, I'd probably pick Ohanzee.